Saturday, May 5, 2012

All My Hope & Stay

"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:"  Matthew 7:24  (KJV)

I think the time that lapses between a death and a funeral are undoubtedly some of the most long, agonizing moments possible in this life.
Day after day of trying to absorb the shock, coming to terms with the reality and finality, and waiting with dread for the last viewing of the body so familiar and dear.
It feels like an eternity...crawling by....in slow motion.


We have to wait a whole week to find solace in the closure that having a funeral brings.
Each day feels like at least a week long.

Remember the old hymn, "The Solid Rock"?

It was written by Edward Mote, and here are some of the lyrics.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Everything around my soul has given way.
Familiarity has crumbled.
Way of life is forever and permanently altered.
Mom is gone.

But, she taught me.....she taught me....to build my hope on nothing less....
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

She taught me...for this moment....for these days....when overwhelming grief washes over my soul in waves.
One minute, I feel slightly strengthened, and I see a small glimmer of hope.
The next minute, I am completely drowning in the utter hopelessness and pain.

But, He remains.
Didn't He promise He always will?

I dare not trust any other source right now.

Though I am being so surrounded by the love of family, the concern of dear and caring friends, and the kindest human words possible, there is a place....covered over....deep....that needs Him....my Solid Rock.

I can't trust my own emotions.
They are racing rampant.
They are fickle and unpredictable and frighteningly vulnerable.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame...that earth can offer.
I must lean wholly on Jesus' name.

How many times have I breathed it and called out for Him in the past two weeks?
How many silent, heart-wrenched prayers have been torn from my inmost soul that ended, "In Jesus' name."

She built her life on the Solid Rock.
She set a fine example.
She taught me to do the same.
She did her best to prepare me for this day.
Without her.

All around my soul has completely given way.
It has crumbled.
He then must be...
He then is all my hope and stay.

He is steadying me.

I am clinging tight.

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